Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Crispy Baked Chicken Round 1

( Chicken dressed in a mashed potato flake suit.  What a world! )

I've been looking for a good crispy baked chicken recipe for a while.  Unfortunately, my search will have to continue.  This isn't a bad recipe at all...and it's really easy to make. It just needs more flavoring than the poultry seasoning it calls for.  But nonetheless this isn't a bad recipe and it is really easy…so here goes.

All you need is some chicken, 2 cups of instant potatoes, a stick of butter, 2 tablespoons of grated parmesan cheese and 3 tablespoons of poultry seasoning.

I used fresh chicken…if you can't tell from my last couple of posts…it was on sale at the local grocery.  It's also just better fresh!  

De-bone your breasts and then slice them into tenders.

The great thing about using fresh chicken is that you can take all the bones and skin...throw em in a pot with some water and salt...and baby, you got yourself a broth goin.  Expect a taco soup recipe shortly that uses this sweet sweet broth.  

Mix a couple of cups of the instant potato flakes with a couple of tablespoons of the grated parmesan, and three tablespoons of the poultry seasoning.  

You'll also need a tablespoon of salt and a teaspoon of pepper.  Feel free to jazz this up with anything else you like…I was a little disappointed in the lack of flavor.  I guess the potatoes just bland it out...

Melt the butter in a microwave safe dish and give the tenders a bath…

( Wise man wary of a yellow bath )

And then roll the chicken in the flake mixture.  Grease a baking sheet with some PAM and place the tenders on the pan.

Then into a pre-heated over at 375 degrees.  Let them get brownish on the bottom and then flip.  When they are crispy on both sides take em out.  Probably about 25-30 minutes total cooking time.

These guys would probably benefit from some sort of honey mustard or curried ketchup dipping sauce.  Just google chicken dipping sauce and see what strikes your fancy.  Most of the time it's just a bottled condiment with some added spice…simple stuff.  You can do it!!!

( I feel crispy...oh so crispy )

I cooked some of the instant potatoes and a box of wild rice to go with.  Slap that crap on a fancy paper plate with your favorite trailer park soda and bon appetite!

Thanks to this scary guy ( Big Z aka Aaron Zapata ) for taking the pictures!


Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Grilled Chicken Alfredo

Having friends over and need a home-run recipe to entertain?…Alfredo never fails. Unless your guests don't do dairy.  In that case, don't ever invite people like that over to your home anyway.  

Ok, so this is a stupid simple (and cheap) fettucini alfredo recipe.  I made some grilled chicken to go with…you could also do baked chicken or sauteed or grilled shrimp.  

( With my hands I created this.  Thanks be to you, Prometheus )

Fire up the old charcoal grill.  A couple of easy tips if you don't use charcoal much:

1. Pile your bricks in a pyramid. This will pay sufficient respect to the Egyptian Fire Goddess Sehkmhet.  

2. Soak them in a s#*t load of lighter fluid…cover and let sit for about 10 minutes.  

3. Light it up and let it burn for about 10 minutes uncovered.

4. Spread the coals in a single layer and wait for another couple of minutes for them to get red hot before adding your meat/veggies.

( You have to treat chicken like a lady.  A lady you're performing plastic surgery on )

De-bone some chicken breasts (fresh is always best) and then wash them off. 

Mix a couple of teaspoons of dried oregano, dried thyme and salt with a couple of tablespoons of olive oil.  If its too paste-y then add a little more olive oil.  

Spread it on the chicken breasts.  If you've got time you can put them in a big ziplock bag and let them marinate in the fridge…it's also fine to slap them s#*ts right on the grill.  

( I should have trimmed that white tendon...damn't this whole dinner is ruined! )

Once the coals are red hot (they've been burning a good 15 minutes already) then put your chicken on. 

I prop the grill lid so that one side of the grill has a 2-3 inch opening.  That way air will circulate and keep the flames red hot.  

Flip the chicken after about 5 minutes. Move the pieces around so that each one sears on both sides. Cooking time will depend on how thick the breasts are and how much charcoal you used.  If you have a meat thermometer you are shooting for a temperature of 165 degrees in the middle of the breasts. Otherwise just cut into them and make sure they aren't pink.  

( Winner winner... )

Check on your guests to make sure they are still alive.


If they aren't having a good time...pour alcohol down their throat.  If they still aren't having fun...there's no hope.  

While the chicken is on the grill get a pot of water boiling for your pasta.  I use Bertoli fettucini from the refrigerated section of the local grocery (fresh is always best). It only takes it a couple of minutes to cook.  Add a little bit of olive oil and salt to the water.

In a separate bowl whip a pint of whipping cream for about 3 minutes with some egg beaters or a mixer (you can use half and half for a lighter sauce).  

( I know.  I really need some legit mixing bowls )

In a large pan get some butter melting over medium heat.  You can use somewhere in between a half stick and a whole stick...the more you add the better it will taste…but then again…you're eating a whole stick of butter Paula Dean. Don't come cryin to me when you get the Betes.  Mix in a tablespoon of minced garlic.  For all of your just looking at the should be noted I'm making a double recipe.  Of course if you are just looking at the pictures then you wouldn't have read that last sentence.  Or this one.  

( Butter and garlic.  God's gift to our bellies )

After about three minutes, add the whipped cream to the garlic butter.  

( Yeah...there's nothing healthy about this recipe.  And it gets worse )

Then add 4-6 ounces of grated parmesan cheese.  Lower the heat and stir occasionally.

( Don't stare at this picture too long.  Sadly just looking at it will in fact make you fatter )

Meanwhile get your pasta in the boiling water and stir it around so that its not clumping together.

It only needs to cook about 4 minutes and it's ready to be strained.  Return it to the pot and pour your alfredo sauce in. 

Sprinkle some cracked black pepper over the pasta.  Then crack an egg and drain everything but the yolk.  Add the yolk to the pasta. Toss until the pasta is evenly coated.  It's ready to become heaven inside your mouth.

Take the chicken off the grill, slice it how you like it, and dump it on the pasta.  Serve with salad, asparagus, and some wine if you like.  

Voila.  Your guests will love it.  If they don't, kick them out and never invite them back over.  Bastards.

( These people weren't bastards.  At least not for not liking the chicken alfredo... )

Enjoy.  Thanks to Ary Collier for being my photographer!

Monday, March 26, 2012

Assemble A Server Like A Champ!

Want to be a computer rockstar and put together a server like a champ?  Then you should probably order that crap from a company like Promax which more or less puts it together for you before they ship it.

Nevertheless.  This is the tale of two brave men who vowed to slide drives into towers, cable computers into switchers and plug cords into walls. 

When I opened up the first box and realized we were actually going to have to start from the beginning, I thought briefly about just giving up.  I mean seriously, I don't work in IT.  But then again…we pissed off all those guys when we refused to use PC's for editing and ordered a room full of MACs…which they don't support.  So we really didn't have much choice.

Rule number 1.  Follow directions.  All 1 page of them.

Be sure and scatter your new toys all over the floor....makes you look busy. It turns out everything was really shiny and fun. I wouldn't last long as a fish.

The boss checked in and didn't look impressed.  Can't say I blamed him.

Plug your drives into the storage tower.  Use brute force if necessary.  Or better yet press the blue button on the side for smooth entry.  

Then set up your big MAC tower which runs the server software.

Then play in the trash for a while.

Turns out it really isn't that hard to set up a server.  DTV crew 1, stupid server 0.

After all that hard work...relax in your new iHome.