Cranberry Blue Cheese Stuffed Chicken and a side of Kale

I pulled this recipe from Taste of Home and altered it slightly.  The only thing better than stuffed chicken... is stuffing your face with stuffed chicken.  So stuff on people.

Here is what you'll need:  RECIPE

I substituted blue cheese for gorgonzola and dried parsley flakes for fresh parsley.  I also cut the walnuts.

This recipe requires quite a bit of prep and you'll need several large mixing bowls to make the process go smoothly. 

Combine 1/2 cup of dried cranberries with 1 cup of cheese.  

Combine 1 tablespoons of dijon mustard with 2 large eggs.  

Whisk to your heart's content.  

Combine 1 cup of breadcrumbs with 1-1/2 tablespoons of dried parsley and a 1/2 teaspoon each of salt and pepper.  I've converted to the sea salt and black peppercorn grinders that you can find at your local grocery in the spice section.  It beats the hell out of the already ground salt and pepper.  

Pour 2/3 cup flour in a mixing bowl.  

Pound six chicken breasts with a meat tenderizer until they are about 1/4 inch in thickness.  Use one of your fresh urban chickens from your backyard.  If you don't have any of those, buy the fresh chicken breasts from the refrigerated section of your local grocery.  The boneless skinless stuff from the freezer section is just booty.  

Get all bowls and chicken on the same surface near one another.  

Spoon a tablespoon or so of the cheese and berries onto your chicken.  A little bit goes a long way and the more you stuff in there, the harder it is to fold it and finish the prep.  

Fold the chicken over.  You can secure the fold with toothpicks or you can just be careful as you go through the next steps.  If you use toothpicks be sure to pull them out before you serve!  

Coat the chicken on both sides in the flour.  

Then move over to the eggs/mustard mixture.  

Coat the chicken on both sides in this mixture as well.  

And finally over into the bread crumb mixture.  Just coat one side in this step.  

Psych!!!! Coat both sides you big idiot.  

This is a step where I venture off from the recipe.  Taste of Home would tell you to just stack those breasts onto a baking sheet and bake at 350 degrees for 40 minutes.  But not this guy. 

 I say put them in a pan with hot olive oil and brown them on both sides first.  

Then you can put them on a baking sheet and into the oven.  

You'll only need to bake them for about 20 minutes at 350 degrees if you pan fry first.  If you are super skeered of Salmonella then you can stick them with a meat thermometer.  Make sure it measures 165 degrees or higher inside the actual chicken breast...not the cheese and berries.  

Because you people are such special butterflies fluttering around on my blog...I'm also going to show you how to cook some Kale to go with. It's a leafy green from the cabbage family but eats like spinach.  If you read the Why We Get Fat series also posted on my blog, you'd know it's considered a good veggie to nom on. Wash your kale in a clean sink.  

Chop a small yellow onion.  

Fry a few of pieces of bacon in a pan.  

Remove the bacon and all but a couple of tablespoons of the grease.  Add the chopped onion and 1 tablespoon of minced garlic.  

Sautee for 7-10 minutes on medium heat until the onion is tender.  

Remove the onion/garlic from the pan and deglaze that bastard with 1/2 cup of chicken broth.  

Add the Kale to the pan and cover.  Cook for about ten minutes over medium/low heat.

Add the onions back to the pan.  Chop the bacon into small pieces and add that too.  

That's some good looking Kale right there Bro.  

As a finisher, find yourself a nice third world lady to top off your Kale with "a taste" of red wine vinegar.  It's potent so don't go apeshit here.  

Add yourself a side of store bought Uncle Ben's wild rice and you've got yourself a slam dunk right in the mouth hole.  Stuff and repeat until your intestines explode. Then take another bite.  Enjoy. 

Fly Lice

Fried rice is stupid good. Other food looks like burnt breakfast toast by comparison. It's also really easy to make and this guy is going to show you how.

I use Jasmin rice because it tastes better and has better texture than white enriched. Use about 2/3 of the water the directions call for, cook, and let it cool and then refrigerate.  

  Chop up a small yellow onion and some green onion.  Thaw out a package of peas and carrots and crack and whisk a couple of eggs.  

Get some vegetable oil heating in a pan on high.  I use about a tablespoon per cup and a half of rice.  Cook the yellow onion first for about 3 minutes.  

Then add the rice and the peas and carrots.  This will steam for a while as the moisture evaporates from the rice and veggies.  Cook for about 5-8 minutes on high until it's crackling and popping pretty good.  

Divide the pan into North and South.  

Pour a little more oil into the empty side followed immediately by ole Johnny Reb.  

You have to stir the eggs quickly...they are really frying more than scrambling.  Add the green onion about a minute after the eggs.   

Then add soy sauce to taste.  I used about two tablespoons for a cup and a half of rice...go less or more depending on your salt preference. That's going to steam up pretty good.    

  So just keep stirring until the moisture cooks out and you have good color consistency throughout the dish.  

Slap that crap on a plate with the other Chinese that you cooked.  What's that you say?  You could never make anything as delicious as what's picture below?  Bullshit.  Here's the link. 

Eat up it doesn't get much better...

Stove Top Sirloin Fajitas

The more I food blog...the more I find other food blogs far superior to mine. F you internet. F you.  That being said here is a non-grilled take on fajitas...the brown person's ultimate gift to the white person's stomach.  I can't promise that this is totes original but hopefully different in some ways to what's already out there on the interwebz.

I use sirloin to make fajitas for a couple of reasons.  For starters it's usually on sale for $3 a pound at least once a month at your local grocery.  Skirt steak (what most restaurants use) is an ok cut of meat but due to the popularity of fajitas is just as/sometimes more expensive.  It's also very tough and needs some prep to be tender on the plate.  Sirloin has great flavor, needs little prep and is often cheaper.  No brainer.

Grab some sirloin, yellow onions (red are good as well) red and green bell pepper, lime, cilantro, olive oil and your spice rack.

Quarter your onions and then pull apart the petals.

Cut your peppers in half from the bottom and then scoop out all the innards.  Then slice into thin strips.

  Put a couple of tablespoons of olive oil into a pan over medium heat and dump in your veggies and add a little salt and pepper. 

The oil and veggies alone are great..but if you are feeling adventurous put in a teaspoon or so apiece of cumin (smells like BO but man it is key in mexican food) oregano, garlic powder and cayenne.  Cayenne only if you like to get lit.

I like to cook the veggies for about ten minutes before putting the steak in.  That gets them tender and they'll crisp up at the end.  Slice your steak into strips and season however you like.  You could do simple salt and pepp or some of the seasonings you used on the veggies.  I like the meat to stand out so I squirt a little lime juice on there with some montreal steak seasoning.

Push your veggies to the side in the pan...add a little more oil if you like and get the meat frying in half the pan.

Turn the heat up to high.  The meat is going to sweat out all of it's water and blood content over time.  You want to cook the mixture long enough so that most of the liquid has evaporated.  Probably 7-10 minutes.

Most Mexican restaurants will sell you take out chips and salsa for about the same as the local grocery.  A pint of salsa and a bag of FRESH chips at Chuy's is $5.50. Getting a little help from restaurant or store bought sides let's you focus on the main dish and makes the whole process less time consuming and intimidating. I also bought fresh tortillas which saves me from making my own or eating store-bought shitty tortillas like Mission.  If you want to do homemade tortillas however I highly recommend it, and you can do so by following this critically acclaimed post here to learn how.

Take em up...plate em up and nom.