Sunday, January 15, 2012

Make homemade tortillas like a 50 year old Hispanic woman. Quesadillas will naturally follow!

Mix 2 cups of flour, a teaspoon of salt and a teaspoon of baking powder in a medium sized mixing bowl. Take a fork or pastry blender and "cut" in a tablespoon of lard.  Sounds gross, tastes awesome.  Find lard in the Hispanic section of your grocery store. It they don't have it, break into a Hispanic family's home and take it...just like we did with Texas. Spray paint "San Jacinto" across the door on your way out.  "Cut" the lard into the flour mixture by smashing it over and over with the fork until it has the consistency of corn meal. Slowly mix in a half cup of warm water until all of the dough is moist.  You can add more water if needed...a tablespoon at a time.  Form into ten or twelve small dough balls.  
Dust flour onto a flat service and a rolling pin (or wine bottle) and start rolling the flour balls out flat starting from the middle.  Make a small rolling movement, rotate, and repeat. If the tortilla is sticking, use more flour for dusting.  Stop and admire that you have made it further than most small children will.   
Dust off the extra flour on the tortilla, then throw it into a pan over medium heat.  When the tortilla starts to bubble on the surface, flip it.  Cook for about a minute and a half on both sides or until you can start to see brown spots forming.  A tortilla without freckles is like a bear without honey.  

Take some leftover steak or chicken from your decadent dinner the night before and slice it any damn way you want too.  Stuff it in the cooked tortilla with cheese and any extras your refined Tex-Mex palette deems as good quesadilla filling.  I used chopped green onions.
Put some butter in the pan followed by your quesadillas.  You can use two tortillas to make round quesadillas but you'll probably figure out that those are hard to flip.  You could also use a Panini maker here if you have more money and are located in a higher social class than me.  
Cook on both sides until the cheese is melted and the filling is warm.  

Grab some Salsa and Guac, pour a beer, forget about how life sucks, and stuff your face with the meal that your own hands somehow managed to mangle together.  It will taste like victory.  


  1. This looks so yummy. But instead of you teaching us how we need you to just cook for us. Okay? Deal.

    1. Replying to Melissa's comment is the only way I could make a comment on this crazy thing. Those tortillas are very, if you normally eat two tacos, you may only be able to eat one...but man, are they delicious.